Growing Up Drug Free:
A Parent's Guide to Prevention
Chapter 6: What To Do If You Think Your Child Might Be Using Drugs
Signs that your child might be using drugs
Since mood swings and unpredictable behavior are frequent occurrences for
preteens and teenagers, parents may find it difficult to spot signs of alcohol
and drug abuse. But if your child starts to exhibit one or more of these signs
(which apply equally to sons and daughters), drug abuse may be at the heart of
the problem:
- She's withdrawn, depressed, tired, and careless about personal
grooming.
- He's hostile and uncooperative; he frequently breaks curfews.
- Her relationships with family members have deteriorated.
- He's hanging around with a new group of friends.
- Her grades have slipped, and her school attendance is irregular.
- He's lost interest in hobbies, sports, and other favorite
activities.
- Her eating or sleeping patterns have changed; she's up at night and
sleeps during the day.
- He has a hard time concentrating.
- Her eyes are red-rimmed and/or her nose is runny in the absence of a
cold.
- Household money has been disappearing.
The presence of pipes, rolling papers, small medicine bottles, eye drops, or
butane lighters in your home signal that your child may be using drugs. Other
clues include homemade pipes and bongs (pipes that use water as a filter) made
from soda cans or plastic beverage containers. If any of these indicators show
up, parents should start discussing what steps to take so they can present a
united front. They may also want to seek other family members' impressions.
Acting on your suspicions
If you suspect that your child is using drugs, you should voice your
suspicions openly — avoiding direct accusations — when he or she is sober or
straight and you're calm.
This may mean waiting until the next day if he comes home drunk from a party,
or if her room reeks of marijuana. Ask about what's been going on — in school and
out — and discuss how to avoid using drugs and alcohol in the future. If you
encounter reluctance to talk, enlist the aid of your child's school guidance
counselor, family physician, or a local drug treatment referral and assessment
center — they may get a better response. Also explore what could be going on in
your child's emotional or social life that might prompt drug use.
Taking the time to discuss the problem openly without turning away is an
important first step on the road to recovery. It shows that your child's
well-being is crucial to you and that you still love him, although you hate what
he's doing to himself. But you should also show your love by being firm and
enforcing whatever discipline your family has agreed upon for violating house
rules. You should go over ways to regain the family's trust such as calling in,
spending evenings at home, and improving grades.
Even in the face of mounting evidence, parents often have a hard time
acknowledging that their child has an alcohol, tobacco, or drug problem. Anger,
resentment, guilt, and a sense of failure are all common reactions, but it is
important to avoid self-blame. Drug abuse occurs in families of all economic and
social backgrounds, in happy and unhappy homes alike. Most important is that the
faster you act, the sooner your child can start to become well again.
Addiction
No one who begins to use drugs thinks he or she will become addicted.
Addiction is a disease characterized by compulsive drug-seeking behavior
regardless of the consequences. Research conducted by the National Institute on
Drug Abuse clearly shows that virtually all drugs that are abused have a
profound effect on the brain. Prolonged use of many drugs including cocaine,
heroin, marijuana and amphetamines can change the brain in fundamental and
long-lasting ways, resulting in drug craving and addiction.
If and when a drug abuser becomes addicted depends on the individual.
Research shows that children who use alcohol and tobacco are more likely to use
marijuana than children who do not use these substances. Children who use
marijuana are more likely to use other addictive drugs. Certain genetic, social,
and environmental risk factors make it more likely that certain individuals will
become addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. These include:
- children of alcoholics who, according to several studies, may have
inherited genes that make them more prone to addiction, and who may have had
more stressful upbringings;
- sensation-seekers who may like the novelty of feeling drunk or
high;
- children with psychological problems, such as conduct disorders, who
self-medicate to feel better;
- children with learning disabilities, and others who find it difficult
to fit in or become frustrated learning;
- children of poverty who lack access to opportunities to succeed and to
resources when they're in trouble.
The more risk factors children have, the greater their vulnerability. And
everyone has a different ability to tolerate drugs and alcohol — what if your
child's tolerance is very low?
Regardless of how "cool" drugs may look, there is nothing glamorous
about the reality of addiction, a miserable experience for the addict and
everyone around him. Addiction causes an all-consuming craving for drugs,
leading an otherwise responsible, caring person to destroy relationships, work,
and family life.
Finding the right treatment
Certified drug and alcohol counselors work with families to find the program
best suited to a child's needs. To find a good certified counselor you can
consult your child's doctor, other parents whose children have been treated for
drug abuse, the local hospital, a school social worker, the school district's
substance abuse coordinator, or the county mental health society.
You can also call the U. S. Dept. of Health and Human Services Center for
Substance Abuse Treatment (800) 662-HELP for referrals. Counselors will discuss
treatment options such as individual or group out-patient programs, prescription
medication, and residential programs. Counselors may also have information on
whether a particular treatment center will accept third-party, partial or no
payment for services. (Some residential centers reserve a number of
government-financed beds for patients who are unable to afford treatment.)
Counselors may also be able to suggest support groups that can steer families to
sources of funding such as local church programs.
Addiction is a treatable disease
The success of any treatment approach depends on a variety of factors such as
the child's temperament and willingness to change, and the extent and frequency
of use. Drug addiction is now understood to be a chronic, relapsing disease. It
is not surprising, then, that parents may have to make a number of attempts at
intervention before their child can remain drug-free, and they should not
despair if their first try does not produce long-lasting results. Even if it is
not apparent at the time, each step brings the child closer to being
healthy.
Advice from a teen in treatment
Jamal,* 17, treatment client in a residential program in Encinitas,
California:
"My mom and dad are both addicts. When I was 15, I was living with my
uncle, and we got into a fight. I went to stay overnight at a friend's, and he
was using marijuana. So we got high on pot. But pot got old, and a bunch of us
went to our dealer's house, gave him all the money we had, and he bought hard
liquor for us. It made me feel on top of the world, and alcohol became my drug
of choice.
"I started ditching school, and I got suspended. I only went to get high
anyway. But now I couldn't graduate. I was living with my grandmother at the
time, and a peer counseling teacher from school recommended a residential
treatment center.
"When I got here, I didn't think I'd stay. I thought I'd just come to
cool down. But they started forcing me to change. The staff made me see that I
was out of control. In about six months, I started changing. The counselors
threw my issues in my face — I had been molested and abused when I was young, and
I had had problems with my mom. I made commitments that I had to keep. I plan to
graduate and move back to New York, and I hope to attend college.
"My advice to anyone doing drugs is that if you feel vulnerable, find
someone — your best friend or someone you know who cares — and do what is hardest:
Talk about your pain. The people who take care of you shouldn't be dictators
too; they should share their own experiences and let kids know that they're
there for them. I wish my parents had talked to me about their own drug
problems."
* name changed
A family triumphs
Andrea M.*, married; a New Jersey mother of a daughter, 16, and son, 18:
"Both my kids were fun-loving and good students, but when my son was
almost 16, his behavior changed. He was having trouble in school, he found a
different set of friends, his personal appearance suffered, he slept all day and
he was wide awake all night. I thought this was just typical teenage stuff. I
didn't notice any changes in my daughter, but it turns out that she had started
around the same time and was just better at hiding her drug abuse.
"We began getting phone calls at night, and my money started
disappearing, but my husband and I disagreed about what to do, so we did
nothing. Finally, about a year ago, my son and daughter got caught together
trying to sell tabs of acid to the police in a sting operation.
"They both received two years' probation, which is mandatory in our
state for a first drug offense. My husband decided that day that our kids needed
a full-force intervention program, so we brought them to a treatment facility
not too far from our home in the suburbs. Both kids attended sessions there
several times per week after school. We were shocked to learn that they had been
using drugs much more than we'd ever imagined — marijuana, acid, crystal meth and
Ketamine.
"The parents attend the program on a regular basis, too. We learn the
three C's: that 'you didn't Cause, can't Control and can't Cure' your kids'
problems. But you can't ignore the problems because they won't go away by
themselves.
"My daughter graduated from the program first. She's clean and has a
boyfriend and is working on her SATs so she can go to college the year after
next. My son lives at home, too, and is trying to juggle the commitments of a
girlfriend, work, and college. They both go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings,
which is a continuation of the treatment program. We're relieved, but we still
take it one day at a time."
* name changed
Table of Contents
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Source: US Department of Education - 1998
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Additional Information
Alcohol
and Teens
Alcohol
and Families
Alcohol
Teen
Talk
Adolescent
Substance
Abuse
Treatment
of ADHD
Marijuana
Fostering
Responsibility
Inhalant
Abuse
Step-family
Relationships
Books on
Addiction
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