Growing Up Drug Free:
A Parent's Guide to Prevention
Chapter 3: Talking With Your Children Effectively
As soon as your child begins to talk, the questions come: "Why is the
grass green?" "What's wrong with that man sitting in the park?"
If you show your child that you're ready to give answers at any time, even if
the topics make you uncomfortable, you'll forge a trusting relationship, and
your child will feel comfortable coming to you with concerns because she knows
you take her seriously.
Being a good listener also gives you insight into your child's world. Your
child will tell you about the sights and sounds that influence him every
day — he's the expert about fashion, music, TV, and movies that people his age
follow. Ask him what music groups are popular and what their songs are about,
what his friends like to do after school, what's cool and what's not and why.
Encourage him with phrases such as "That's interesting" or "I
didn't know that," and by asking follow-up questions.
In these conversations, you can steer the talk to drugs and why they're
harmful. If you can ingrain this information in your children well before they
are faced with making difficult choices, experts say they'll be more likely to
avoid rather than use. In fact, teenagers who say they've learned a lot about
the risks of drugs from their parents are much less likely to try marijuana than
those who say they learned nothing from them. You needn't fear that by
introducing the topic of drugs, you're "putting ideas" into your
children's heads, any more than talking about traffic safety might make them
want to jump in front of a car. You're letting them know about potential dangers
in their environment so that when they're confronted with them, they'll know
what to do.
To introduce the topic, ask your child what he's learned about drugs in
school and what he thinks of them. He may even mention people who might be using
them. If you hear something you don't like (perhaps a friend smokes marijuana or
your child confesses to trying beer at a party), it is important not to react in
any way that cuts off further discussion. If he seems defensive or assures you
that he doesn't know anyone who uses drugs, ask him why he thinks people use
them. Discuss whether the risks are worth what people may get out of using them
and whether he thinks it would be worth it to take the risks. Even without
addiction, experimentation is too great a gamble. One bad experience, such as
being high and misjudging how long it takes to cross a busy street, can
change — or end — a life forever. If something interrupts your conversation, pick it
up the next chance you get.
Teachable moments
Another way to talk about drugs is to take advantage of everyday
"teachable moments":
- If you and your child are walking down the street and you see a group
of teenagers drinking and hanging out, talk about the negative effects of
drinking alcohol.
- Newspapers are full of the consequences of alcohol and drug abuse.
Take your examples right off the front page. Ask your child if she heard about
the mother who used drugs and was arrested. Who will take care of her baby now?
Did she make a good decision when she used drugs?
- Watch TV with your children, and ask them what they think. Do the
programs and advertising make drug use look acceptable and routine, or do they
show its downside? When you see a news item involving drug use, point out the
story's full implications to families and all of society: Drug addiction can
cause or aggravate many tragedies involving child neglect and abuse, family
violence and rape, HIV transmission, teenage suicide, and teenage pregnancy.
- Whenever you see an anti-drug commercial on TV, use it as an opening
to talk with your children about drugs. Ask them what they think about the
commercial. The White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, in
conjunction with the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, has embarked upon an
unprecedented national anti-drug media campaign that will provide many
opportunities to discuss drugs with your children.
When there's a family history of alcoholism or drug abuse
If your family had a tendency for high blood pressure, you'd tell your
children they might inherit it. In the same way, they need to know about
recurring patterns of substance abuse, particularly if you, your spouse, or
their grandparents have had problems with alcohol or other drugs. Children of
substance abusers are much more likely to become addicted if they use drugs;
they may have inherited genes that make them react to alcohol and drugs
differently, and they may have had more difficult upbringings. When you use the
example of a family member to illustrate why your children should be careful
about trying alcohol and other drugs, you make a compelling argument.
Try to find a positive perspective. If substance abuse is a persistent
problem in your family, you might tell your children that being aware of the
challenge that the future holds better equips them to plan ahead and avoid
potentially unhealthy situations.
The drugs in your kitchen cabinet
Ordinary household products such as nail polish remover, cleaning fluid, hair
spray, gasoline, spray paint, and the propellant in aerosol whipped cream can be
abused as dangerous inhalants. Inhalants pose a difficult challenge to parents
because they can't be banished from the household.
Because inhalants are easily available, they are a popular drug for younger
users; more than one in five children report having used inhalants by the eighth
grade, the year during which usage peaks. Parents need to tell children about
the deadly consequences of abuse. Inhalants starve the body of oxygen and can
cause unconsciousness, severe damage to the brain and nervous system, and even
death.
Helping your child say "no" to drugs
No matter where children grow up or who their friends are, nearly all of them
are confronted at some time or another by friends with bad ideas — ways of testing
limits, getting in trouble, and doing things they'll regret later. It's not so
hard saying "No thanks, I have to go now" to a stranger. But it's a
lot tougher when a child's friend — especially one whose approval means a lot to
him — tries to get him to do something he knows is wrong.
Even "good kids" occasionally pester their friends into skipping a
class or lying about why they were out together so late. But if friends or
acquaintances entice your children to try tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, the
consequences can be more serious. The best way to prepare children to succeed in
these encounters is to "role play" — practice similar scenarios in
advance. With the right words at the tip of their tongue, children can assert
their independence while making it clear that they're rejecting their friends'
choices and not the friends themselves.
You need to have these practice sessions before your child finds herself in
any new situation. If your child hasn't asked you what she should do in such
situations, find the time to bring it up yourself. Stress that you're working
together on a skill that comes in handy whenever someone doesn't want to take
"no" for an answer.
You might, for instance, take the role of a boy she likes and try to persuade
her to share a six-pack of beer with you. What can she say? "You're such a
jerk!" is alienating. "I don't know..." leaves the door open and
sounds like she could be coaxed. The middle ground, in which she's firm but
friendly, works best. Help her rehearse key phrases that give reasons for why
she simply won't have a beer:
- "My parents would kill me if they found out, and they always find
out!"
- "No, I'm not into that stuff."
- "I tried it once, and I hate the taste."
- "My parents trust me to not drink, and I don't want to break that
trust."
Or she could state the consequences of drinking:
- "I tried it once and ended up vomiting on everything!"
- "Drinking would make me feel out of control, and I hate
that."
She'll need to be prepared for protests. She can meet them with the
"broken record" technique, in which she repeats her reason for not
drinking over and over until attempts at persuading her cease. Or she can make
it clear that the discussion about beer is over by changing the subject:
"Did you watch the basketball game last night?" or "Hey, do you
know if that concert's sold out?" If all else fails, she should leave the
scene, saying, "I've got to go."
Table of Contents
Previous Section - Next Section
Source: US Department of Education - 1998
|
 |
|
|
advertisement
Additional Information
Alcohol
and Teens
Alcohol
and Families
Alcohol
Teen
Talk
Adolescent
Substance
Abuse
Treatment
of ADHD
Marijuana
Fostering
Responsibility
Inhalant
Abuse
Step-family
Relationships
Books on
Addiction
|
